i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
