that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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