I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
