He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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