you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
