My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
