My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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