you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
