my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
