she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
