I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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