hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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