Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
