We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
