i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Are we still banned from the library?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
