lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
