HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.