Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
