Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
