I think scott just propositioned me for sex
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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