So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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