Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
