we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
