Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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