the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
