just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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