I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
