; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
