Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
