just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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