I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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