If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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