oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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