the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize