I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
