fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
