Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you had me at cake vodka
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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