It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
