WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
