I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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