By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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