Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So much rum. So many feels.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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