yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
