if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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