# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
