we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
