Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
