Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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