This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
