My sheets look like a crime scene.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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