Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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