Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
