FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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