one two three fourrrrnication!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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