I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
