That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
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