: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
