Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
