I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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