yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
