Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
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I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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