The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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