i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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