Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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