Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
