Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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