it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
