I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
