areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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