Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
