why didn't you poke me back
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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