evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
