I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize