Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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