Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
