chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
