I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
