My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
