Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Is it because I queefed?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
