Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
